February 19, 2020

How To Get Rich

A user’s guide to getting rich. How to start with nothing and turn the vacuum of your poverty into millions and possibly billions of Simoleans.
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There once was a 1/10th-of-1-percenter named Sir Deakin Von Platiumberg-Cortez—Deak for short—strolling through the projects of Detroit when he came across a young drug dealer relaxing on a park bench counting his money, not working the block and selling rock for prof like he oughta. Deak, puzzled and irritated by the lack of industriousness displayed by this would-be go-getter, approached the dealer and inquired: “Sir… excuse me. I see you only have two hundred dollars, mostly in small denominations. It’s nearing midday and the fiends are abound, surely you can’t be done for the day?”
The dealer, his streetname Lil ProductPusher9000—Push for short— replied, “Yeah, I’m done for the day. Took only an hour. Now, I’m ‘bout to hit the crib, relax, hang with my kids and watch Netflix. Then, I’ll probably kick it with a few partners and enjoy the night, puff a few squares, nahmean?”
“Is that what you do every day?” asked Deak.
Push shrugged. “Usually.”
Dissatisfied, Deak furrowed his brow and drafted in his mind a business model to extend to this young man. He condescended: “Listen, I know you’re of the downtrodden, but I have an MBA, a ESC, and a trillionaire dollar multinational corporation under my belt. I could help you become a more successful person.”
“I’m fine where I’m at. I don’t need—”
“From now on,” Deak interrupted, “spend sixteen hours a day selling your product. Save as much income as possible. When you’ve saved enough money, establish an LLC and buy a dilapidated storefront as a cover. Hire employees to sell your product while you only focus on operations and the laundering of your money. You can expand your street presence and sell even more product. Soon, you will have enough legitimate capital to invest outside of your illicit trade. By then, you will have moved out of the hood into the wealthy districts where you can set up headquarters and manage your enterprise.”
Push cackled and slapped his knee, “And after that?”
Deak upturned his smug nose at his lesser, “What are you not getting? After, you can be the biggest drug kingpin in the world and operate with impunity, and when the time is right, you can be rich beyond your dreams.”
“And after that?” Push asked.
“After that, you can sit back, relax, count your money, spend as much time with your family as you want, and in the evenings you can join your friends in festivities. After that, you can be free to do as you please and enjoy your life!”
Push stopped smiling and whispered, “Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”

“Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different.” – F Scott Fitzgerald

The sole intention of this video is a follow-thru of curiosity. I am an ignoramus, and the investigations behind this video, though I’ve found them insightful, they’re not wholly truthful or well-though out. I simply lack the requisite knowledge to have any opinions. I am ambivalent to the insinuations made in this essay and I neither believe nor disbelieve the narrative created.
Thanks for watching. Don’t smash the like button, that’s sexual assault. Don’t hit subscribe, that’s a microaggression. And don’t pay me, that’s capitalistic and condescending; I am an artist, not a commodity.

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